The first question I ask whenever starting marriage counseling is, “What brings you into my office today?”  Inevitably, one spouse will say, “We don’t communicate well.”  The couple has determined that the main problem is bad communication. The problem with this conclusion is that it’s saying a symptom of the problem is the main problem.  An example would be talking to a friend who’s sick and asking them why they’re sick and they reply with, “I’m sick because I have a cough.” Anyone who’s ever been sick knows that a cough is often a symptom of the illness not the cause.  Similar in marriage, poor communication is a symptom not the main problem. “